Apathy marchers can't be bothered to bring London to standstill

A tide of banner-waving protesters almost surged through central London this weekend in the largest apathy rally for over a decade.

Organisers claimed two million non-attendees, though police put the number of people who didn't turn up at only 1.5 million.

The march saw people of all ages and backgrounds not quite getting around to reclaiming the streets, chanting 'What's the point?' and 'Does it really make any difference in the greater scheme of things?'

Amongst the hand-painted placards left half-finished in garages were slogans such as 'Someone really should do something!' and 'Today is the last day of your life so far'.

Intending to lead the demonstrators was Warren Blake, who ended up staying home to watch Netflix. During a pee break, he issued a short statement, saying "I'll probably get around to it next weekend – although there is that barbecue round at Conrad and Julia's."

All police leave in the capital had been cancelled for the event, although Scotland Yard claims that it passed without incident.

~ A.M.

 

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