Baseball was invented to
help men talk about relationships

Historians have stumbled upon documents which they are calling the "anthropological find of the century"

The documents, dating back hundreds of years, showing how the 'sport' of baseball was fabricated as an attempt to enable men to talk about sex and relationships without embarrassment.

Dr Ayling claims that the great thinkers of the time came up with the idea of creating a popular national sport where virtually every act or term could be used as a metaphor for the courting process.

For example, the red-blooded heterosexual male is completely incapable of saying something like "How are thing going with you and Sian? Have you become intimate yet, and if so are you making love or are you just kind of kissing and cuddling?".

But equipped with baseball terms he now only has to say "Hey man, you get to third base yet or what?", thus freeing him from what he would refer to as 'fag-ass touchy-feely shit' and saving precious time that can be utilised swigging more beer or shoving pretzels into his stupid fat face.

Other useful baseball/relationship terms highlighted by the historians include:
'batter-up', 'I struck out', 'I got thrown a curve ball' and of course 'get your salted peanuts right here'.

~ A.M. / W.A.

 

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