Richmond destroyed by
pasta-antipasta explosion

Scientists say lax safety procedures at Italian restaurants were
'a disaster waiting to happen'

A 50-mile area of south-west London was torn apart last night after a chicken and mushroom cannelloni collided catastrophically with a side dish of antipasta. The accident, the worst of its kind in food preparation history, occurred at Michelangelo's Brasserie in Richmond, now ground zero of a mile-deep smouldering crater.

The incident occurred when waiters at the busy eatery ran into each other at swing-doors that separated the kitchen from the dining area. The two meals, one of which was being returned by a customer because it was contained 'too much damn pepper', flew into the air, giving shocked patrons and staff a few horrific seconds to contemplate their fate before the meals made contact.

The resulting pasta-antipasta explosion ripped a hole in four of the twelve known dimensions, destroying the restaurant at a molecular level and sending a 48-mile-wide shockwave rippling out across the surrounding area.

By law, pasta and antipasta must be kept in separate areas of the kitchen, protected by powerful magnetic fields. But molecular physicists from pressure group 'SiC' (Safety in Catering) said it had been 'a disaster waiting to happen' and called for a complete ban on the serving of antipasta within 500 yards of any pasta-based meal.

Aftershocks from Friday night's explosion were felt in cafés all over London, with smouldering lumps of cannelloni discovered as far away as Kilburn.

~ A.M.

 

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