Screw Sweden

Following a public vote overwhelmingly in its favour, the Swedish government confirmed today that it will dismantle its country and row it 200 miles south before reassembling it.

"The long winters are too much," explained the Prime Minister. "And the weak economy has made foreign holidays in sunnier climes impossible." An extra Bank Holiday will be granted to facilitate the unscrewing, he added.

At the time of going to press, the government was sending a Country Reassembly Pack to all citizens, containing a flimsy paper tape measure and a stupid pencil that's too small to use.

~ E.T.