Worrying rise in mobile use
by under-zeros

Concern over amount of social networking by foetuses

In the latest social networking craze, in-womb baby monitoring devices are being used by unborn children to message each other over the internet.

Thousands of the WombView^TM devices have been implanted by anxious parents wanting to keep track of their baby's development by analysing statistical information and streaming live video to their iPads. But the tech-savvy youngsters have worked out how to piggy-back on the data-stream to send messages to each other.

"Lolz, just banged my head on the placenta!" tweeted 34-week-old foetus Jus'Floatin. His friend BillyUmbilical replied with an animated Gif of the word 'FAIL' flashing over a webcam photo of himself mooning the camera.

Other trending topics included 'Getting out soon, can't wait to see my new crib!', 'my Tumblr listicle of SnapChat emojis' and 'top ten photos of cute kittens, also what the hell is a kitten anyway?'

One mum-to-be explained that she became aware of the problem when her baby's movements increased. "I thought he was kicking more than usual," said Pamela Morris, 33. "But apparently he just had the device set to 'vibrate'."

However, the craze has received criticism from older children. "My little sister spends all her time just sleeping or texting," complained Tom Harrison, five-and-a-half. "I have to tidy my room before I'm allowed on the computer. And if I want to go to the toilet, I have to use the loo – but she just wees in mummy's tummy."

"It's so unfair!" he sulked. "These kids today, they don't know they're born."

~ A.M.

Illo: S.C.