Issue #07

Editorial

Welcome to issue seven of Mustard magazine. And just look at the view from up here at the top of the issue! It's been a long arduous climb from the base camp at issue #01, and we've certainly left a few crampons stuck in the rock face along the way. But we've been operating at peak efficiency and hopefully scaled new heights. Which is not bad for summit we put together in our spare time.

- Alex

This issue's Evil Corporate Sponsor

This issue's Obligatory Movie Quote
"Who would send me a pig?"

In this issue:

Satirical News & Articles

#MustardNews

Rise in mobile use by under-zeros

Concern over amount of
social networking by foetuses

Linguist discovers 'perfect' photo caption

Schoolbook caption hailed as
'lexical Holy Grail'

Street Games

The new craze of live-action board games

Comic Strips

#ComicStrips

Shallow Grave Ending

Christopher Eccleston & Ewan McGregor fight to the death

Bill Paxton's Big Love

Bill's loving family of sister-wives:
Terminator, Alien and Predator

Stories & Characters

#Stories&Characters

Derring Dos & Don'ts
pt.8: Currency

"Gold? Never base your currency on something other people can dig up."

Writer's Block
#8: Binkins, Of Course!

"He could already taste
the illicit fish fingers."

Bad Endings
#2: Suicide Chic

"We need to make suicide uncool. That's where you come in."

Infographics & Adverts

#Infographics&Ads

Face Palm

The undo button for life

Cut Out and Make...

#6: Universe

Movie Posters & Mag Covers

#Movies&Mags

The Grapes of
Wrath of Khan

Who's Afraid of
Virginia Teenwolf?

In Brief

#InBrief

Society
Lashings and ginger beer!
The rise of Enid Blyton fetish clubs

A.M. / A.W.

TV
This week in the soaps
A bit of a whale, some chemicals
and a pubic hair

A.M. / A.W.

Society
Pet Dispensary
RSPCA criticise
puppy-vending machines

A.M. / A.W.

Food
Pop Quorn
The cinema snack
with no animal fat

A.M. / A.W.

Fashion
Bible belt
Easy hip-holder access to the
new and old testaments

A.M. / A.W.

One-Panel Cartoons

#Cartoons

A.M. / A.W.

William H Macy swearword substitute for new parents

A.M. / A.W.

#RobotDad + #Overheard

J.B.

A.M / H.S

Interview

#Interviews

Robin Ince

I'm a reading list comedian.
I want people to be excited by science and philosophy.

The stand-up and creator of The Book Club on his atheist Christmas shows
and podcasts Infinite Monkey Cage and Utter Shambles.
12,600 words

Paper People

#PaperPeople

Robin Ince Paper People

Cut-out-and-make Robin and friends.

Profiles

#Profiles&Reviews

Douglas Adams

42 moments from the life of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
and Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency author.

Letters Page

#LettersPage

Letters Page: Issue #07

"Nothing stood out as being unpleasant."

Covers & Posters

#MustardPosters

Robin Ince cover

Colonel 007

Douglas Adams art poster

Don't Panic and
Carry a Towell

Teenwolf 'Oh no...'

Mustard #07

Thanks: Alan Moore, Val Stevenson, James Sherwood, Dave Stewart, Guy Cuthbertson,
Lindsey Clarke, Richard Burdett, David Bussell and Pamela Musson.

This issue is dedicated to the Saltmine crew, circa 2001,
where Mustard was born as a black & white photocopied mag.

Footer gags: TOP TEN SHORT-LIVED MAGAZINES:
Nude Scientist · Premature Obituarist · National Pornographic · Amateur Surgeon Monthly · Un-PC magazine ·
What Magazine? magazine · What Ho? magazine (guide to Victorian prostitutes) · All Mod Cons (for Vespa loving Tories) ·
Pros & Cons (for call girls & the Tory MPs who love them) · Trolling Stone (baiting music industry celebs on Twitter) ·
Men Bee-Hiving Badly (for the laddish apiarist) · Celebrity Squares (gossip about dull celebs) ·
What Body? (for discerning murderers) · Fake a Break (for bogus accident claimants) · MEN (the music magazine for dyslexics)

Issue #07

Editorial

This issue's Evil Corporate Sponsor

This issue's Obligatory Movie Quote "Who would send me a pig?"

In this issue:

Satirical News & Articles

Rise in mobile use by under-zeros

Linguist discovers 'perfect' photo caption

Street Games

Comic Strips

Shallow Grave Ending

Bill Paxton's Big Love

Stories & Characters

Derring Dos & Don'ts pt.8: Currency

Writer's Block #8: Binkins, Of Course!

Bad Endings #2: Suicide Chic

Infographics & Adverts

Face Palm

Cut Out and Make...

Movie Posters & Mag Covers

The Grapes of Wrath of Khan

Who's Afraid of Virginia Teenwolf?

In Brief

One-Panel Cartoons

Interview

Robin Ince

Paper People

Robin Ince Paper People

Profiles

Douglas Adams

Letters Page

Letters Page: Issue #07

Covers & Posters

Robin Ince cover

Colonel 007

Douglas Adams art poster

Don't Panic and Carry a Towell

Teenwolf 'Oh no...'

Mustard #07

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The Complete Mustard

Get the Mustard Compendium: PDF · Paperback

Myth Management

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Mustard comedy magazine was founded and published by © Alex Musson Illustrations © Simon Cooper, Andrew Waugh and others

Home · Issues · Satirical News & Articles · Stories & Characters · Infographics & Adverts · Movie Posters & Mag Covers · Headlines & In Brief · Comic Strips · Cartoons · Interviews · Profiles & Reviews · About Mustard

This issue's Obligatory Movie Quote
"Who would send me a pig?"

Derring Dos & Don'ts
pt.8: Currency

Writer's Block
#8: Binkins, Of Course!

Bad Endings
#2: Suicide Chic

The Grapes of
Wrath of Khan

Who's Afraid of
Virginia Teenwolf?

Don't Panic and
Carry a Towell

**Get the Mustard Compendium:**
PDF · Paperback

Mustard comedy magazine was founded and published by © Alex Musson
Illustrations © Simon Cooper, Andrew Waugh and others

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Profiles & Reviews ·
About Mustard