Mustard comedy magazine: Issue #02
Mustard issue 02 doodle

Issue #02

Editorial

Flying monkey

Welcome aboard issue two of Mustard comedy magazine. Your pilot today is Captain D. John Coleman, and we will be cruising at an altitude of approximately one metre, depending on your height.

Please pay attention to the safety instructions, which will be given by renown traveller and ex-Python, Michael Palin.

We expect to reach our destination in approximately 36 pages. In the event of an emergency, simply close the magazine.

- Alex (Editor/stewardess)
 

This issue's Evil Corporate Sponsor
Central Services
This issue's Obligatory Movie Quote
"This is a job... for the Australian!"

In this issue:

 

Satirical News & Articles

#MustardNews
Avatar sequels delayed

Avatar sequels delayed...

until next stage of human evolution

Hypostrophe

Hypostrophe

Solves whether it's "its" or "it's"

Men feeling pressure of unattainable media portrayal

Men feeling pressure

...of unattainable media portrayal

Halle Berry denies being made out of plywood

Halle Berry denies

...being made out of plywood

New York miming disaster

New York miming disaster

Lax safety procedures result in deaths of hundreds of mimes

Apathy marchers

Apathy marchers

Don't bring London to standstill

TV Picks

TV Picks

David Cronenberg's Creche and more

Matt Berry's Albums That Changed My Life

Matt Berry's Albums That Changed My Life

#2: Ken Puffin; Good Sex

Comic Strips

#ComicStrips
Back To The Future Remake

Back To The Future Remake

2015 teen Martie McFly travels back to the ancient year of 1985!

Vagina Monoliths

Vagina Monoliths

A vision of man's future not from Arthur C Clarke

Stories & Characters

#Stories&Characters
Derring Dos & Don'ts: #2: Women

Derring Dos & Don'ts
pt.2: Women

"When men were men, and women were boys in drag."

Writer's Block #2: Mad Men 1980s

Writer's Block:
#2: Mad Men 1980s

"I have slipped beneath your sheets like an incubus."

Skinny & Nod

Skinny & Nod
#2: Self

"A face like a fist and a voice like a fist at work"

Infographics & Adverts

#Infographics&Ads
First World War Problems

First World War Problems

#FirstWorldProblems that were also #FirstWorldWarProblems.

Cut Out and Make MC Escher Stairs

Cut Out and Make...

#2: MC Escher Stairs

Sea Junkies

Sea Junkies

Instant narcotics abusers

Cartoon road signs

Cartoon road signs

Highway safety assured

Movie Posters & Mag Book Covers

#Movies&Mags
Alien v Predator: ET v Kes

ET v Kes

Alien v Predator

Anal's Retentive

Anal's Retentive

A book of useless facts

Classifieds & Did you know?

#Classifieds + #DidYouKnow
Classifieds

Classifieds

Bankrupt baker kneads some dough

Did you know?

Did you know?

Paralegals, Les Dennis and more

Headlines

#Headlines
Headline: euthanasia SPONSORED BUNGEE JUMP 'LEAST SUCCESSFUL RIDE EVER' SAY Alton TOWERS
Headline: GOVERNMENT UNVEILS PLAN TO REPLACE INTERNET WITH SHOUTING
Headline: HOME SHOPPING PRESENTER DESCRIBES ITEM 268 AS 'A GOOD FIGHTING RING'
HEALTH & SAFETY OFFICER SUES OVER R.S.I. FROM LIFTING INCREASINGLY HEAVY GUIDELINES
Headline: THIRD WORLD ADDED TO ENDANGERED SPECIES LIST

All: R.F.

One-Panel Cartoons

#Cartoons
Vladimir's overzealous use of the rack was his undoing

J.S.

Funeral Pinata

J.S.

#RobotDad
Robot Dad: Are we there yet? Negative.

J.B.

Robot Dad: There is nothing in the wardrobe

J.B.

#Overheard
Overheard: I could never date a girl who wasn't into Kerouac

P.N. / H.S.

Overheard: I don't trust air fresheners

M.A. / H.S.

Interview

#Interviews
Michael Palin caricature

Michael Palin

Along with the fish slapping, I want that on my gravestone:
'shot by Robert De Niro'.

The ex-Python has starred in numerous movies and TV shows, won a BAFTA and found a whole new fan base with his travel series.
6,300 words

Monty Python Family Tree

Python Family Tree

Who worked on what with who, and when

Michael Palin: Around the magazine in 36 pages

Palin's Mustard Tour

Around the magazine in 36 pages

Paper People

#PaperPeople
Paper People: Michael Palin

Michael Palin Paper Person

Cut-out-and-make paper Palin.

Cult Corner

#Profiles&Reviews
Frontline

Frontline

Australian satire set behind the scenes of a current affairs show

True Stories

#TrueStories
Drink & Drugs Ruined My Faith in Waffles

Drink & Drugs Ruined

...My Faith in Waffles

Drink & Drugs Ruined My Chances

Drink & Drugs Ruined

... My Chances

Letters Page

#LettersPage
Letters Page

Issue #02 Letters Page

"Please send SAE for our instructions on 'Le Dilemme de Cavalier Déménagement'."

Covers & Posters

#MustardPosters
Michael Palin cover

Michael Palin cover
Colonel riding a steampunk elephant

Steampunk elephant

 

 

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Mustard #02

All text and images are © their respective authors.

Cover: Real version by Daniel Morgenstern. Doodle version by A.W..

Thanks: David Bussell, Isabel Hopwood, Jeb Palmer, Pamela Norris, Val Stevenson,
Nick Hayes, Guy Champ, Mary Aldenton, Tom Crowley and Alex Johnston.

This issue is dedicated to Derek Wall, the original Mustard Man.

Footer gags: TOP TEN TRAVEL SHOWS:
Michael Palin's Middle Earth · Michael Palin's Pole To Pole Via The Earth's Core · Michael Palin's Round The Corner To Get A Pint Of Milk · Michael Palin's Orbiting The World In The Mir Space Station · Michael Palin's Stuck On The M25 For Three Days · Michael Palin's Twice Round The Circle Line · Michael Palin's Unexpected Spanish Expedition · Michael Palin's Where The Hell Is Guam Anyway? · Michael Palin's Parallel Universes · Michael Palin And The Raiders Of The Lost Ark · Michael Palin's Round The World In Alphabetical Order · Michael Palin's Newport Pagnell · Michael Palin's Round the World Book Signing Junket

More issues »

The Complete Mustard

Mustard comedy magazine compendium
Mustard comedy magazine

Get the Mustard  Compendium: 
PDF  ·  Paperback

The complete 336-page collection of all 9¼ issues,
featuring new and updated funny stuff, plus expanded interviews.

 

Myth Management

Out now: Mustard's first spin-off novel

Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson
Myth Management: a Young Adult Urban Fantasy novel by Alex Musson

Paperback  £8.99   Amazon.co.uk  ·  Amazon.com

Kindle  £2.99   Amazon.co.uk  ·  Amazon.com

 

Monkey at a typewriter
Mustard comedy magazine was founded and published by © Alex Musson
Illustrations © Simon Cooper, Andrew Waugh and others
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